How to ionclude non-pagan wedding guests

Most of us have a mix of people at our wedding, and it is very likely that you will have non-pagan wedding guests at your handfasting.

There are two types of wedding guests. The ones who go with the flow and just enjoy the celebration. And then there are the ones who criticise everything that is not exactly the way THEY imagined it.

Some people are just braver than others when it comes to doing something new or different. And it is important to remember, that those who are not very brave, it usually stems from discomfort or even fear.

Why you might fear non-pagan guests at your handfasting might be a problem

Some of your guests will be throwing themselves into all that’s new to them and just enjoy the day. You won’t find any trouble here. At least not until they are so drunk that they might do something stupid.

But as I already said, some people will feel uncomfortable not understanding what is going on. Some might be afraid that they might make a fool of themselves because they don’t know what the done thing is.

There are many ways that you can quell that worry, but the most efficient one (and the only one that isn’t patronising) is making the non-pagan guests at your handfasting feel included. 

3 ways to make non-pagan guests at your handfasting feel included

1. Explain

You can have an extensive order of service that gives your guests an insight. The other option is to have your celebrant briefly explain what is going to happen at the beginning of your ceremony.

In my opinion, having the celebrant explain is the better option, because your guests will take in the details of your wedding, your decorations, your venue etc. rather than sit there reading.

2. Include things that are familiar

Include rituals into your handfasting ceremony that your guests will recognise from non-pagan weddings, like a drinking ceremony.

A drinking ceremony is a Celtic tradition, as well as a Jewish one. And it works very well at a handfasting, too.
For example at Scottish weddings, the couple will drink from a two handled cup, showing unity and trust.

3. Include your guests in rituals

This one depends on how willing your guests are to join in. Some people will be comfortable to be onlookers, but to shy to be part of the ritual.

Maybe just include your closest family in the ritual, but remember to ask them before your big day whether they are happy to do it. Some people are simply to shy to do anything.

A unity candle ceremony is a beautiful thing, where each of the sets of parents light one candle, and the two of you light the third candle. It symbolises the coming together of two families through your marriage.    

Don’t forget to check whether your venue allows candles.

A ritual in that all guests can get involved in is the blessing of the rings, where they speak their wishes for you onto your wedding rings.
You could just hand the rings through the rows of guests sitting and waiting at your ceremony, but someone is bound to drop them.

It might be a better idea to have them set up at the entrance of the ceremony space, with a groomsman or bridesmaid as “guard” and to invite guests to participate.

The one’s that seemingly can’t be helped

There are the ones who you know will be complaining all day long, about everything, no matter what the occasion. Really think about whether you want to invite them at all. 

And then there are the ones where you suspect might be problems, often it is a relative with a very strict opinion of what is proper or an intolerant to any religious or spiritual path apart from their own.  Speaking to them in advance is a good idea.

Explain to them what will happen during the ceremony and what it means to you. Once they understand that the ceremony is not the horror movie scene they probably envisaged, they will likely be more than happy to be there.

If they still find it unacceptable, then don’t take it personal. Some people simply cannot accept anything other than their own believes.  
Choosing to stay away can be a sign of respect. And it is much preferrable than criticising your wedding all day long or worse: interrupting your ceremony.  

Your handfasting is your special day

The most important question to ask when deciding how to make your non-pagan guests feel included at your handfasting is: Does this ritual reflect the day we want?

Because your handfasting is your special day. Yours!

Those who love you for yourself, respect your choices.

And as long as you design the rituals in a way that your non-pagan wedding guests at your handfasting will be happy to join in, they will.
You now have ideas of how to do this. So, happy handfasting planning!

If you are right at the beginning of planning your handfasting, you might find this blog on how to chose a date for your handfasting helpful.

And if you want to find out how my magick of relaxed, specialist handfasting photography works, get in touch.

Bright blessings,

 Alternative Wedding And Handfasting Photographer UK and EU